Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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