Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
