a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
