My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
