Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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