On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
