come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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