that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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