do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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