I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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