so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
