Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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