I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
