did you get engaged???
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
