so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
