dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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