So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
