Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
