Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
