Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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