If that was your dad, he is hot
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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