but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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