What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
