i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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