Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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