Your dad touched me again.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
