we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
