first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
