You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
