my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well I just put wine in my tea
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
