States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
