You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
