i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You made out with two different species that night
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
