Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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