Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
