You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
