Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
