Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just googled if crying burns calories
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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