38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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