its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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