I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
