you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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