Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
not ubering you a puppy
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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