The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You were trust falling into bushes
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
