You really coming over, don't trick.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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