Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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