All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
