you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
