had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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