Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
