I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
