i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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