At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
