so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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