I can't watch pbs sober anymore
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
