Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
