So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
