when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
