Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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