one might say we're banned from that church
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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