i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
