I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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