the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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