cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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