Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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