either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
