I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
