I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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