You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
