Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
