You can't special order awesome
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
