so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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