My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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