my mouth tastes like poor choices
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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