I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
