I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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