I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
