it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
