We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
