At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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