Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
