At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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